It's hard, caring about someone you can't help.

I'm so far away from you. Watching you from a distance, through a soundproof glass wall. I can't hear you speak, and nothing I can say gets through to you. I can't do what only God can do for you, much as I wish I could.

Why do I care so much? Why have you made such an imprint on me? For some reason, you have had a way of embedding yourself in my heart the way only one other person has before. And I'm still working on getting him out of that place.

What I'm trying to say is, I wish I could help. I wish I could bring you face-to-face with Jesus and watch all your problems fade. Watch your face lose its clouded look. Watch light dawn on you in your dark night of the soul.

Right now all I do is constantly keep hoping for you like I've done since the first time you sounded sad. Hoping and praying that things will get better for you. I can't even see what you're keeping hidden; all I can see is how it affects your countenance. I hate to see you unhappy from behind this glass wall, but at the same time I know that that glass wall is necessary for me.

Sometimes I wonder if God intended us, humanity, to live heart-to-heart in connection so deep that it affects us the way it affected me once. Would God ever desire us to suffer that much? Even for our fellow man? And then I remember, God never desired us to suffer in the first place.

It still leaves the question. Since we ARE suffering, does God want us to suffer with each other the way I suffered...with him? Or maybe only Jesus can withstand that much suffering. Maybe we can't withstand it at all. Maybe it's only something God can do.

God, give me the strength to not try and be you. But God, give me some kind of sign that things will work out all right. Just don't be silent. Please speak.

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