Logan came into my class the last ten minutes before school got out!

I was in the paper-cutting room, doing letters for a poster, when I thought I heard Mr. K's voice. Huh? Why isn't Mr. K with his class? Where's Logan?

I stepped into the doorway and looked out to see if Mr. K really was in there. I couldn't see him, but I heard him talk again and definitely recognized his voice. I went back to my letter puncher and suddenly thought, I wonder....

I didn't want to step out of the room, so I just shifted more towards the center of the room and looked out its window.

There was Logan.

He was actually on top of the magazine shelves, it looked like, taking down Halloween decorations!

And now I reallyreallyreallyreally wiant to go back to school! Waah!

I wish I'd stayed after and done more word-punching. I wish I'd talked to him. Oh, man, do I wish I'd talked to him! But what on earth would I have said? Should I have asked what he was doing? But I could see! But, oh, man, anything, anything to have him speak to me! Oh, Father, why can't I talk to him?? It's awful!

Do you know the crux of the whole thing? I hate this. Yesterday I told myself before I went to sleep, "I'm going to say something to him tomorrow!" And I had that great opportunity�no doubt God provided it�and I RUINED it! Why, God, why?! I want to talk to him so bad!

I could've even said, "Hi, Logan," and I DIDN'T. What's wrong with me? I'm soooooo upset with myself! Why do I have to be so scared?

The phone rang�oh, man, I was so close to him in the little office area! so close�the phone rang after the bell did; Mrs. A and Mrs. H were down below. I asked Mrs. H, "Want me to get that?"

"Sure!" she said.

"********* High School Library," I answered the phone when I picked it up.

I didn't have time to think about it. If I had, I would've completely screwed it up. Thankfully I just went on automatic.

"Yes, hold on just a sec," I said to whoever was calling. I nodded my head to Mrs. A, holding the phone out to her.

"Is it for me?" she asked, coming up to the office area. I just nodded and placed the phone down gently on the desk, and went to gather my stuff.

Did he watch me? Did he look at me at all? Did he just continue taking down decorations? Why couldn't I talk to him?

I'm so frustrated. All I feel like doing is questioning God. Oh, Lord, if only I could.... just once.... step out of my box and say something to him!

And now it's the weekend. And I'll have to wait two entire days to see him again.

Unless he's at the play tonight... Let's hope.

I wonder if he's got any little brothers or sisters? It seems like I knew once... The way I imagine it, he's either an only child or has a little sister. Maybe a little brother. He's just got to be a first child though... He's so quiet.

And why do I care? I don't know. It's just one of those little things you love to guess about people. I have a lot of those. :) Not just with boys I like. But, I'll admit, mostly. :)

I hope he's at the play tonight. I want to see him again.

My land! I've gone nuts!

I forgot to let go of those reins again. Do you think that's a good idea? I mean, it's just a little overzealousness...

You're right. Time to let go again.

All right, Lord, You win. Here he is again; take him into Your hands. I need to let go of him. I'm sorry, Lord, I DO want Your will, even though I don't know wht it is. Do what's best for him and me, according to You... Not me. :) I love You, Jesus; thank You for reminding me to let go again. In Jesus' name, Amen.

P.S. I'm sorry I didn't talk to him. :( You opened up a great opportunity for me, and I followed my own instinct instead. I'm sorry, Father, please forgive me.

Your daughter,

-Stephanie