E-mail to my school chaplain.

Hi Gene,

I'm dealing with some serious doubts. They hover under the surface most of the time and I cover them up with words that are expected and pretend I'm as sure in everything as the next person, but occasionally they rear their ugly heads and refuse to be covered up anymore.

Is there a God? Did we just make this whole faith thing up for the sake of our own consciences? Is it all just a pack of lies started by excellent liars and taken up by gullible people? Are the atheists right? The agnostics? These are the doubts I face.

I don't mean any personal offense to you, by the way. I just plum don't understand how people can subscribe to something so abstract.

I feel like tomorrow I'm going to cover those ugly monsters up again, shove 'em back under, but they'll just come surface later. But I don't feel like I can deal with these doubts head-on in the middle of a very difficult final semester of college. I'd like a quick, easy answer, but since there aren't any, I guess I'll settle for something wise.

I'm sorry if this letter is a little incoherent; it's late and I'm dead tired and stressed from just talking through all this with my fianc� and not coming to a resolution. He's frustrated with himself now for not being able to help me, which is always a pleasant feeling to go to bed with (sarcasm).

I'm tired. I do apologize for this letter.

Stephanie

Wasn't I just happy?

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