I went and scared myself yesterday. Scared Stephen too.

I don't want to say what I did, but I acted like a child. More like a child than I've done before in this relationship. That's why it scared us both. I can't be a wife and be a child. And Steve doesn't want to be married to a child.

I don't know what to do. I have 3 months until I get married, and no model to follow for acting like an adult going into a serious, lifelong commitment.

It's more frustrating than anything else, being in this position. It's like needing to get into a room that you don't have the key to.

I feel like I understand high school kids from impoverished households who want to climb past that more than I thought I did. I certainly feel the frustration.

-Stephanie

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