Two songs that very much describe my faith life right now.

Reasons Why
Nickel Creek

Where am I today? I wish that I knew
'Cause looking around there's no sign of you
I don't remember one jump or one leap
Just quiet steps away from your lead

I'm holding my heart out but clutching it too
Feeling this short of a love that we once knew
I'm calling this home when it's not even close
Playing the role with nerves left exposed

Standing on a darkened stage
Stumbling through the lines
Others have excuses
But I have my reasons why

We get distracted by dreams of our own
But nobody's happy while feeling alone
And knowing how hard it hurts when we fall
We lean another ladder against the wrong wall

And climb high to the highest rung
To shake fists at the sky
While others have excuses,
I have my reasons why

With so much deception
It's hard not to wander away
It's hard not to wander away
It's hard not to wander away

Oh Jerusalem
Lauryn Hill

Realizing that there's no place else to go
And there's nobody I know who can help me
Text book solutions are so improbable
'Cause everybody else is just as empty
Naked as the day that I was born, I tried to hide
Behind education and philosophy
Hopeless explanation to describe a situation
I can't see because the world's on top of me

Oh wretched man that I am, who will deliver me
From the body of this death

Freeing me from dust, and the superficial trust
Of an enemy that seeks to take my breath
Failing to connect, 'cause I'm morally defect
By reason of the god inside my head
Causing me to see, only what pertains to me
Believing I'm alive when I'm still dead
Limited to earth, unable to find out my worth
'Cause I can't see past my own vanity
If I'm not included, then I just have to remove it
From my mind because it has to be insanity

Oh wretched man that I am, who will deliver me
From the body of this death

Can I even factor, that I've only been an actor
In this staged interpretation of this day
Focused on the shadow, with my back turned to the light
Too intelligent to see it's me in the way
What a paradox, having God trapped in a box
All this time professing to be spiritual
Naturally pretending, that I'm actually defending
God through my facade, only material

Oh Jerusalem, wash thine heart from wickedness
That thou mayest be saved from thy deception
How long, shall thou face those lies within thee
Oh Jerusalem, keeping thee from perfection

Submit to truth, leave the deception of thy youth
So we could walk in the council of authority
Forget the proof, our generation so aloof
Only follow in the steps of the majority
Trust in the Lord, with all thy heart
And lay not to thine own understanding in all thy ways
Acknowledge Him, and He shall direct our paths
Be not wise in thine own eyes and you can follow him

We judge and condemn, just as ignorant as them
Who religion tells us that we should ignore
Perpetrating we're in covenant with Him
Exposed by the very things that we adore
We grin and shake hands, then lay ambush for the man
Who has a different point of view than us
Infuriated, 'cause he doesn't understand,
Bringing up those things we don't want to discuss
Why still do evil, we don't know how to do good
Walking on in darkness running from the light,
Led to believe, because we live in neighborhoods
Telling us what's going on will be alright

Oh so repressed, so convinced that I was blessed
When I played with my game of Monopoly
Oh to suggest that my life is still a mess
Would reveal the pride I'm hiding is what's stopping me

Oh Jerusalem, wash thine heart from wickedness
That thou mayest be saved from thy deception
How long shall thou face those lies within thee
Oh Jerusalem keeping them from perfection

Abide in me and I in you, as the branch cannot bear
Fruit of itself except in the vine
I am the vine, ye are the branches, He that live in me
And I in him, the same bring forth much fruit
Without me, you can do nothing

Oh Jerusalem, you're traditions have deceived you
I've chosen you, you haven't chosen me
Do whatsoever, you asking my name he may give to you

But in vain they call my name
Teaching doctrines just the same
Justified among themselves
But God know with the heart
What man esteemed as smart
Is an abomination to Emmanuel
Just repent, turn from selfish motivation
So iniquity will not cause your demise
Make you a new heart and a new spirit, for why would he die?
Oh Jerusalem, please tell me why
I have no pleasure in the death of him that dieth
Says the Lord God where forth turn yourselves and live

It's not the talkers, but the walkers in his word
Are the only ones the Father will forgive

Oh Jerusalem, wash thine heart from wickedness
That thou mayest be saved from thy deception
How long shall thou face those lies within thee
Oh Jerusalem, providing you no protection
Oh Jerusalem

-Lauryn Hill

I'm learning.

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