Stephanie is still weepy-eyed from today's interview.

That's something I couldn't change my Facebook status to, but I can put in here.

Today I had an interview for a job with people that Stephen knows. It's at his chiropractor's office. The chiropractor has been seeing Stephen and his family for years. Stephen's family friend, Jodi, works as a receptionist there. So when they told Stephen they were expanding, Stephen told them I was looking for an admin. assistant or receptionist type job, and they asked him to send in my resume.

I guess I put a lot of hope in this job. So when it became clear about halfway through the interview that I wasn't a good fit for the job, I lost it.

I didn't meant to lose it. Had it been a normal job interview, with somebody I didn't have personal connections with, I probably would have been able to keep it wrapped up. But since it was Jodi, and she was being so nice and honest with me, my feelings won over and I lost it.

I suppose that was the end of the actual interview. But Jodi kept talking to me for another 45 minutes or something. She was very, very sweet to me. She actually kind of went into counselor mode, LOL... What a sweet woman. In one way I'm glad I didn't get the job, because I feel like if I ever see Jodi again (which I probably will), I won't have to keep business professional with her. I can just be me.

She gave me some valuable advice. She said, "Being honest will get you further than BS any day." I really appreciated that remark. I hate BS. It's, like, against my religion, LOL. Not really--but it is VERY against my personal values and morals.

That's why I hate interviews. At least, what I perceive interviews to be, or have perceived them to be up to this point. I think today I learned a lot about what interviews really are. It's amazing how very short book knowledge comes to the real world. I've been told I don't know how many times that "Interviews are a two-way street; they're interviewing you, but you're also interviewing them." Today was the first time that actually came true for me, or however you want to put it. First time it made sense.

I'm a sensitive person. And I've always been under the impression that the real world possesses only jobs that sensitive people do not qualify for. So I have to try and not be sensitive when I go interviews--at least that's what I've thought. Now I think I've learned that it's probably best to be honest and admit that you're a sensitive person and tend to take things personally in an interview.

But that means I'm looking for jobs in the wrong places. There may be jobs out there for sensitive people like me. I'm just not looking in the right places.

But it leaves me lost. Where do I go from here? I think I've finally hit rock bottom with not knowing where to go. It's been threatening since I graduated. No, longer than that; since I first heard the words, "What do you do with an English major?" I had this idea that I would never have to flounder with that question. I'd find out what jobs English majors do, and I'd tell those people that asked me: "Well, they do this and this and this and this..." I think it's safe to admit I'm finally floundering. I wonder if these last 10 months were a waste of time, thinking to myself that I could get a job so easily.

I hate realizing I've wasted my time. Don't you hate that? You're going along, doing great, and then suddenly WHAM. You weren't doing great after all. Time to pick up the pieces.

This really has become my personal diary. I think I have officially switched from paper-and-pen to keys-and-screen, LOL. Years ago I would have been writing this in my journal journal, not on a computer where people can see. Wonder what next.

I think it's safe to say I'm pretty down right now. I haven't stopped crying since that point in the interview, and that was probably two and a half hours ago now.

Jodi said I shouldn't be so hard on myself. Imagine hearing those words in what was supposed to be a job interview, LOL. It's been a long time since I heard that; I think I needed to hear it again. God just decided to say it to me through a rather odd source, LOL. A job interview. Wow.

Thank goodness I won't have to relate to her on a business level after all that.

I hate business professional.

Honesty, people, give me honesty.

-Stephanie

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