Now that I wasn't expecting.

Stephen opened up to me today and told me about some of the things that have been weighing pretty heavily on his heart lately. I knew he was unhappy with his job, I didn't know half of the reason is because he's feeling terrible about not being able to provide enough for us. We're doing okay--we really are. We're doing a heck of a lot better than I ever dreamed I would in my first year of marriage. But he's unhappy because we aren't saving up enough money for a house and stuff. And I get this feeling that it isn't just that he's not making enough money. Because we could, if we stopped eating out so often. But I think it's because he feels like he can't get up the motivation to take that extra little bit and put it into savings or whatever. Much like I've been feeling terrible because I can't get up the motivation to apply for jobs right and left or start teaching myself to cook. We're both caught up in what we aren't doing right, and it's really bringing us down. I wish we weren't naturally like that--but both being eldest children, we feel a sense of duty very strongly and really beat ourselves up if we're not making that happen.

Anyway. I feel bad for not being more sensitive to Stephen's needs. I'm glad I've had this "awakening" moment. Please pray for us--especially Stephen. I know any guys who read this understand that need to provide, so you would know how to pray for him in that realm. Thanks.

Thanks for reading,
Stephanie

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