Dear Diary,

This is me journaling. :) Isn't that awesome?

A couple of friends of ours from small group just announced that they are going to start actively trying to have children.

I think about them a lot. He has clinical depression. She may possibly have a genetic breast cancer. They have been married for about 5 years, I think, maybe longer; they are Stephen's age. I think he's actually a bit younger than she is. Anyway. There's a lot to occupy the mind there. I read diaries and Facebook pages of my other friends who are pregnant unexpectedly or not pregnant unexpectedly, and it brings to mind how God's plans are so crazily far beyond ours, especially in the way of having children.

I guess I worry about them. I worry about the stress they will face and the possible disappointment every month, and the possibility that she may discover she does, indeed, have that cancer, and how that will affect their expectations of having a family at all. How it will affect their grip on the uncertainty of life.

I also worry about the possibility of them getting pregnant and having a baby while he is still dealing with clinical depression. Slightly happier scenario, but equally stressful situation. There are so many unknowns.

God tells us not to worry, but to pray (Philippians 4:6). I'm thankful beyond words that this is not my situation, and can only hope that when Stephen and I begin to think of making a family, it will not be as complicated and sensitive a situation. :/ I suppose the worry I have is inherently selfish--a worry that if it happened to them, it might also happen to us. The fear is inhibiting.

But I also worry about how I could possibly help them. I inherently want to ease burdens, as God commands us in Galatians 6:2. But what could I possibly do here? Prayer for others is not easy for me; I want to do something concrete.

So I left what I hope is an encouraging note on his page. His Facebook status yesterday mentioned being scared and crying a lot. Today he said he was still scared, but he was trying to be positive. I reminded him of some things we are not to forget: God is in ultimate control. He is loving. He will never test us beyond what we can bear (1 Cor. 10:13). I also said that God throws change at people like us who hate change so that we will learn to rely even more heavily on Him, which is something I'm learning right now--only not about major life changes, but just worries about the cost of my dental work.

An idea occurred to me not that long ago to send postcard-like notes of encouragement through the mail to people that I know. It's something that was available at my college. We didn't even have to use stamps, since it was box-to-box. But encouraging people is close to my heart, and while Facebook and e-mail are very convenient and fast, it's still not as concrete as a postcard. My only worry is the cost of the stamps.

There I go, worrying again. I suppose if it's something God is calling me to do, it's something He'll provide the means for.

Yep. Still learning, God. Still listening. :)

-Stephanie

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