Once upon a time I had a pen pal from church camp. She was from my favorite year of church camp; the year ended with all the addresses of my cabin mates written on a beach ball. We wrote for a year or two before I saw her life was really not going a direction that was good for her. Our letters dwindled like many pen pal letters dwindle, as we get busy with lives of our own.

Almost 10 years later, I find her on Facebook. She has just had a baby and is listed as engaged to a certain guy (I'll call him Guy A). As I read down her page to catch up with her life, I see a few relationship changes: In a relationship, single, in a relationship with Guy B. Guy B writes on her page: "I am so happy that we are going to have a family together, and that you will be the mother of my child." A few posts later: Single, then in a relationship with Guy A. There was one other piece of evidence that led me to believe that she wasn't sure who the father of her baby was, and she told Guy B that it was him, and then later found out that it was Guy A, who she later married. Yikes. Talk about a messy situation!

She's been married about 4 months to Guy A. Lately her statuses have been alluding to problems in her relationship with him, and her Facebook relationship status is now It's Complicated.

One of her friends mentioned forgiveness is the only way to go forward. I agree with her friend, but I have a feeling that she will take that to mean divorce him, but forgive him so you can go on living. And marry the next guy that steals your heart away.

I am considering ending my friendship with her. NOT because of her choices. I don't mean that "You made these choices, now I cannot be friends with you," although that was definitely me in high school. I mean that reading her life updates are really depressing me and dragging me down, and I don't feel close enough to her that I can DO anything about it--offer her any advice, anything, which compounds the dragging-down factor. I have no idea how she feels toward me, but after 10 years, wouldn't you consider it a little offensive to receive unsolicited advice on how to make a marriage work? Especially if it's advice you do NOT want to hear?

Stephen is a much stronger person than I am. He would go in there and give her amazing and godly marriage advice, and if she ended her Facebook friendship with him because of it, he'd just take it in stride. I wish I could be like that, but everything is personal with me, and every friendship ended is due to a terrible crime on my part. Even if it's a Facebook friendship.

It's so hard to tell people God's standards for relationships when they are following their own ways hardcore like that. It's no wonder Tim Keller describes hell as your own selfishness, on a trajectory into eternity. That would be hell indeed.

Maybe I should post THAT on Facebook.... Hmm...

-Stephanie

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