I'm learning an awful lot about myself by being in the real working world.

Stephen has Saturdays, Sundays, and Mondays off. He works 10-hour days Tuesday thru Friday.

I work Saturdays, of course, and have been working 9-1 on Mondays cleaning flowers for about 4 or 5 weeks. Last Monday I fell apart at work when the minutes started ticking past 1 and I hadn't even touched the roses yet because I missed Stephen so much. Tonight I started crying because I absolutely do not want to work tomorrow, or Mondays, ever. I think I have officially realized that a day with Stephen is more important to me than hours of work, and that speaks volumes.

So...Stephen is going to drive me to work tomorrow morning. I am going to see how the day goes and at the end of it, I might be having a talk with Delilah.

I have no official title of "flower cleaner" or "florist's assistant." My title is Saturday delivery driver. I know they normally have a work-study student do their flower cleaning, or they do it themselves. So I have a feeling that the Monday hours they're giving me are really an act of generosity, which I truly appreciate. And I know it's convenient for them, because they don't have a student right now, and they would otherwise be doing it themselves. But I just don't think I am the right person for this job anymore, not in my current life situation.

(If you can't tell, I'm kind of rehearsing a speech here.)

So anyway...Any prayers for tomorrow would be appreciated. One thing I've realized about myself through this, besides that I love my husband more than I love hours at work, is that I am a people-pleaser to a fault. I've been told this all my life, but now I'm seeing it for real for the first time. Part of my heart desperately wants to put aside my desires/needs and just keep working for Delilah and Georgene, because I want to be a help to them. Because what I'm doing is not a bad thing; it's actually a good thing. But I'm learning now that sometimes I am going to have to say "no" to good things in order to not overextend myself, overcommit myself, or spread myself too thinly.

I didn't think I'd have to learn this lesson this early in life! :P I thought it was going to wait until we have kids... But I am glad--GLAD--that I am instead learning it now, and I hope and pray that the lesson will be well-rooted when we do actually have kids.

-Stephanie

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